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Friday, April 30, 2010

Relationships, or why I don't have one!

The other night I was flicking through the channels and found a rerun of Sex and the City that I had seen before but watched again. There is something ultimately comforting about Sex and the City, something familiar that I totally enjoy. So the episode saw Carrie wondering why she was turning down a date with politician man until Miranda pointed out it was probably the bad break up with Big that was coming between her and any other potential relationship.


Wow! That one hit home with a bang. Six years and four months ago the man who I thought was my soul mate (don’t worry – I now realise he was just another self-centred, narcissus bastard) dumped me for no reason that he chose to give at the time. Actually he never gave me a reason. Ever.

I am now totally over him. I rarely even think of him any more. When I do it’s with a feeling of disbelief that I could have ever been so na├»ve, so stupid to have fallen for him. But still the bad break up makes me wary of forming another relationship.

As soon as I sense a man becoming interested in me, I can feel myself loading that invisible barrier between us. I physically recoil from him and retreat into my shell. I can be extremely sociable with gay men or married men – both of whom are very safe to be around – but show me a single man and I will show you the quickest exit to the door.

Now don’t assume that I am yearning to be in a relationship because I’m not. I’m comfortable with my life and I’m not sure I am ready to share any part of it with any one else. It’s just an interesting situation to be in. Almost like an out of body experience – me watching myself backtrack at speed from any semi interested male. It’s a comedy of sorts.

I have no doubt that when I’m ready for a relationship something will come my way. The Universe tends to deal with these things in its own way. Until then I will try valiantly not to look too disgusted at any male advances. I will endeavour to smile politely and move away at not too rapid a pace!

10 comments:

  1. I am thinking that you are thinking about sticking your toes into the dating world again. Am I right?

    I got divorced about six years ago and it was scary, but I started dating. It was very eye opening and fun/horrible.

    Worth it though.

    I like your realization.

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  2. Unfortunately there aren't a lot of good men around...Still..it could be fun to look...just for a fling or two...( I'm playing my hidden Samamtha here...)I know too many women who won't even try...destined to lives spent with girlfriends..... that's fine...but why limit your options? It's fun to be flirty.....

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  3. you can never watch too many old episodes of satc! love it!

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  4. That would be season 3 episode 1 of the season, (31 of the show) "Where there's Smoke". I'm a SATC junkie.

    I thought I was ready to date again after a bad breakup, did the whole dating site thing last summer, and realized, I'm not. Made myself a promise, no more dating for the sake of dating.

    I believe...no I know you will be comfortable when you are ready. Have fun and enjoy yourself and your friends right now.

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  5. It's been a long while for me. And yes a very bad last relationship. I thought I was ready because I really do miss a lot of the perks of being in a relationship..not just sex ya know..but the friendship and excitement. But guys are drama players even more than women these days! I am going to just take my happiness in MY own hands and not count on anyone else to provide it and go day by day..Wish you were closer,, we'd have so much fun!!!

    hugs

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  6. That was fun. I love Sex and the City as well. I hear you about being burned, but when the time is right, it will happen!!

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  7. I can relate as well, having had the "love of my life" very suddenly end things for no reason whatsoever. Then there's the freaking about related to even thinking about trusting a man again. Damn, dating is hard enough as it is. I say we just keep watching Sex in the City - for the laughs and vicarious fixes.
    Cheers,
    Robyn

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  8. Sex and the city is liberating. I do believe there is time for everything & if relationship is for a person and the person is ready to open up then it comes. The universe seem to know what we really want deep inside & if we're uncertain about something, we dont get it. Some people cannot live alone, others don't want a relationship.The most important is to know what you really want and to go for it.

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  9. Deborah - I think about it off an on and have dabbled in online dating. But I don't think I want to date seriously yet.
    Susan - I know! They are either taken or gay...
    Chanel Girl - me too.
    Domestic - you are a SATC junkie aren't you!!!
    Seductress - yep, I miss the sex too. But not enough to go out with anyone! I'm sure we would have fun!
    Girl Next Door - well, we shall see...
    Robyn - I totally agree! Now if only I had written it...
    Traveliest - it is liberating and I totally agree with you about the Universe.

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  10. When the right guy comes along, he will be persistent and not let you go. Until then, enjoy the single life and continue to laugh at yourself!

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