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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Staying Single

A conversation with a friend, another 40 something year old divorced female, has prompted this post. We were discussing our single lives and, along the way, wondering if we would ever find another partner. Is there just one person in the world for each of us? If you make the wrong choice the first time, do you get a second chance? Or has that moment disappeared forever?

Or, in my case anyway, is it just not less complicated to stay single? Do I really want to share my life with another person and, in the process, have to also share their life? Have I become too selfish to want to move back to one side of the bed instead of sleeping in the middle?

Speaking of beds, there is no doubt that I miss sex! That is number one on my list of things I miss in a relationship. There are times I would nearly (nearly) do anything to have some decent sex. But do I want to give up my independence and way of life in order to have sex? I don’t know. Sometimes I do and sometimes I would prefer to stay celibate.

But the question that neither my friend nor I could answer was when? If we were to be given a second chance, when would that happen? How long do we have to wait? How long before we just give up?

I’ve read the books and got the same advice from friends and acquaintances – when you stop looking you will find love. In that case I will be dead before my second chance comes knocking! I like looking. If I see an attractive male somewhere between the ages of “over the age of consent” and “one foot in the grave”, I will have a good look; sometimes a long look. And sometimes I might smile. So I can’t see me giving up looking any time soon.

I’m feeling pretty good about myself this year, even though I will soon turn 50. My social life is gathering speed, I’m making the attempt to get out and about and meet more people. I’ve got far more confidence than I did in my 20s or even in my 30s. But I still hesitate when I start thinking of seriously looking for another partner. Am I just strange? Or are there others like me somewhere out there?

11 comments:

  1. You're not dead yet. When you quit looking...you quit trying too. Trying is the fun part.... new things, new men, new adventures, new travel. A little sex doesn't have to mean forever!

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  2. Perfectly normal! (but coming from me,,,mb you might be scared I think the same way!) It's kind of like having a dog, they are great till they crap and you have to clean it up. Sigh...That's a really BAD comparison! Could this be why I am single??? Laughing!!

    sending hugs!!

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  3. I have a friend that is going through the same thing. She is 45 and single. According to her, she has been single so long, when she is in a relationship she feelss suffocated but when she isn't. all she thinks about is if she'll ever marry again.

    I feel for you single ladies. :)

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  4. i don't have any divorced friends, but do have a few friends who are single and looking for the right person. one friend has a list of what she looks for in a guy. i think that is her biggest problem, cuz if she meets a nice guy she doesn't give him the chance if he doesn't meet her criteria. others have tried on-line dating and have had success. my cousin is living with her boyfriend whom she met online. they will probably get married, too. listening to them tell their stories, i would be afraid to be out in the dating pool again, but i think there is someone for everyone out there. you just have to keep trying and not give up on finding someone. take care.

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  5. Almost 50 huh? That's about the best age a woman can be. Believe me! You are still in your prime and don't let anyone tell you any different. You're obviously great looking, (look a the picture), smart, read the words, and doing all the right things. I've been married more than twice and divorced more than twice. I've got grown kids and 6 grandchildren. And if for some reason I lost my dear hubby of 20 years, I still know where I could find another one. That is, IF I REALLY WANTED TO. There's good and bad in the single life and the married life, Honey. I used to find a taxi driver or something for casual sex, but you do what works for you. Just be safe! And don't stop enjoying the ride. (Also, go where the boys are!)

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  6. I think no matter what age you are there is always someone out there - whether you want them or not is up to you. I find it fun to be single at the moment.

    Kate xx

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  7. Great comments! Thank you all.
    Susan - I think the same way - bring on the new!
    Seductress - it was actually a really good comparison! lol
    Martha - I empathise with your friend.
    Kiki - I've tried online - will write a post about exactly what I thought of it.
    Linda - I feel great and still feel like a teenager! Some say I act like one too... If you could see the taxi drivers here, you wouldn't go there!
    Kate - I do enjoy single life, but I sometimes wonder...

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  8. I love the part about between the age of consent and a foot from the grave..LOL.. I am sure just by checking out some handsome dude you will find one checking you out, just be prepared when the time comes..:)

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  9. OL yeah its a jungle out there!! hehehe tough call....but keep ya eyes peeled!

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  10. Joedian - I will do my best to be prepared!
    f1trey - I have the best peeled eyes out there!

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  11. When I was single, my married friends would tell me I was being too fussy. (Interestingly, none of them seemed too happy in their marriages.) Well, I think you should be fussy about the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with.

    I started dating my husband when I was 27, which many would consider too late, like I was already an old maid, LOL! But I just read on another blog that a woman met her husband at 59, and they couldn't be happier.

    So never give up, if it's something you really want.

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