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Thursday, February 11, 2010

My online dating experiences or “How to attract losers 101”

Kiki’s comment on my last post made me think about sharing my online dating experiences with you.

For years I’ve communicated with people on the internet, first through Yahoo chat rooms, then MSN, then My Space and now Facebook. So I’m not averse to online communication. In fact there are a couple of people I met on Yahoo chat over 10 years ago that I still chat with on Facebook or email.

I also have two friends who are in long term, loving relationships that began online. One of them met her husband in a Yahoo chat room on my computer. It was the first time she had ever gone into Yahoo chat and he was the first person to contact her! I went to their wedding six years ago and I love them and their two beautiful children. My other friend met her partner in an online dating site – I think it was RSVP. They have now been together for a few years and seem very happy.

I wish I had such good experiences.

Last year, after much thought, I decided I was ready to date again. After all it was five years after the break up of my last intense relationship and ten years after the end of my marriage. I was encouraged by my friends and the two stories above, to try online dating sites.

Now I do have to watch my budget and there isn’t much left after pay day to throw around, so I chose sites that were free. I put up what I thought was a fine, slightly witty description of me, filled in all the blanks and sat back and waited for the replies. The one exception I made was to join eHarmony – the free bits only.

I have to add one thing here – in my description and also in all the blanks I had to complete, I stated very clearly that I do not like fishing, camping or outdoor activities. I wrote that I am a city girl; I like 5 star hotels, gourmet dinners, fine wine, intelligent conversation, cultural happenings and intellectual debates. My music of choice is fairly eclectic, but I do not like country music, grunge or heavy metal. I also made it clear that, as I’m tall, wear heels and feel uncomfortable with shorter men, I’m looking for someone at least 6’1” or taller.

I got replies. I got plenty of replies over the next few months. There was only one problem with all of the replies. Not one of them could read! Or maybe they didn’t bother to read. One is just as bad as the other.

The men who replied to me all enjoyed fishing, they loved camping and spent most of their day in the great outdoors. Not one of them liked gourmet dinners or fine wine. They preferred to slurp on cans of beer and chomp on burnt barbequed sausages. They were also all either country music fans or into heavy metal. As if that wasn’t bad enough, not one of them was over 5’11” in height! I kid you not!

By December last year I had had enough. I took down all my profiles and unsubscribed from all my accounts. I’m sure online dating has worked for many people, but there really has to be another way for me!


  1. Sounds like a classy bunch of fellows.

  2. wow! i got a mention. thanks, Ca88. i think it's great you put yourself out there. i'm sorry all the wrong guys responded. i find great wisdom in the musings of Miss Carrie Bradshaw in Sex & the City, such as, "stop looking for mr. right and start looking for mr. right now" or something like that. take care.

  3. Hey my friend, thanks for all your contest entries and for showing the love on my blog :)
    Online dating = needle in a haystack. Mr Right's do exist, but the 99% of the ones out there are Mr Wrong's, no doubt!

  4. Oh I'm sorry to hear that online dating didn't work out for you. I think I'm going to give it a whirl at some point. To be honest I think it's like the luck of the draw - it just depends if you're lucky to sign up at the same time as some nice, normal men rather than the ones with three heads and zero personality!

    Kate x

  5. I liked that.... If it wasn't for you Paul & I would never had met!!!! What a chance meeting. You will find the man of your dreams, and yes it always is when you least expect it. Love you Nic

  6. Opposites attract...does it really matter what they are listening to? My husband and I are quite different yet we compliment each other. He is also shorter than me. Sometimes we have to let go of all that stuff and just look for the chemistry.

  7. If I do meet someone with a brother or uncle or whatever that fits you, I'll send him your way. Smiling-
    It's not looking good for the hometeam here either. Frustrating world but it is exciting knowing that you have something so wonderful to look forward to in finding someone and it's worth the trouble..I HOPE!!!!!!

  8. It's time to start thinking in different terms maybe. Find a friend, not a boyfriend, and see what happens. There are men out there who like camping who wouldn't expect you to go with them. There are guys who would love fine dining if they tried it. Ditto with lovely wines. Relax and see how things to!

  9. Of course you realize I meant to say "see how things go" not "to".

  10. Sorry to hear your experiences weren;t great. i would say persist it might just take some time.

    Kate xx

  11. Hmmm.... Did you meet any of them?
    Maybe, there was more to them than meets the eye. You don't need to have the same interesses. If it feels natural, comfortable and there's chemistry, go for it.

  12. "slurp on cans of beer and chomp on burnt barbequed sausages"

    Ok, that doesn't sound attractive!
    But there are some REALLY good ones out there. I just haven't found him yet :)

  13. Christopher - you got it in one!
    Kiki - I do love some of Carrie's wise moments.
    Averie - great analogy!
    Kate - I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
    Nic - I love you too! Your story always keeps me positive.
    Susan - unfortunately I just can't do shorter men, I've tried, but its not for me!
    Seductress - am now waiting impatiently for the brother or uncle!!!
    Linda - I've got some very nice male friends, unfortunately they are all gay...
    Kate - maybe I'll try again sometime.
    Donut girl - no I never met any of them, I was too turned off by their profiles. I'm sure you will find someone!

  14. I never bother with FaceBook or Twitter or anything like that....I'm just a blogger! But I did meet a guy on E-Pals that I wrote to for almost a year. He lived in this country,and not that far away from me, but writing was as far as it got! I got totally fed-up with him saying that he would phone me, but he never did!
    Why on earth did I let it go on for so long?
    I think I'll just leave it to Fate in future!

  15. Call me old fashion but I am a hopeful romantic and have hope that I will meet "him" the old fashion way...remember the days when you would walk down the street and lock eyes with a stranger??? I miss THOSE days lol

  16. Hey good write-up. U have a nice blog.

  17. I dislike online dating, I need to see the real person. I live with a man I love, so I'm out of it now. You are attractive and I think a nice guy will approach you soon, in person.


  18. Aye yi yi....totally doesn't sound fun. ~sigh~ I really wanna give this a try but with my luck, I'll meet someone who puts a pic up like Denzel Washington and ends up looking like Jay-z.


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