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Sunday, March 7, 2010

Self questioning

There are times, such as now, that I reflect on decisions I’ve made and paths I’ve taken. I question whether the choices I made were the right ones or simply the right ones for that moment in time. Or were they choices that I made based on selfish desires or only on the degree of difficulty they required. Was it easier to make the choices I made than to choose other possibilities?

There are times in my life I would love to travel back to and experience again. Memories which are still sharp, bright with color and explosive to my senses, movies in my mind played back in 3D.

But decisions I’ve made mean I can never travel back to those particular times again. I will never be able to recreate those memories or feel their warmth or color or hear their sounds again. I know I am now creating other memories and I will continue to all through my life. But sometimes I just want to relive those special times.

Some people believe our paths in life are predestined. Some believe we are free to make our own choices. My beliefs lie somewhere in between, although it is difficult for me to articulate exactly what I mean. I believe each of us is predestined with a certain life, but along the way, as we crawl or walk, or leap or run or skip towards our destination, there are a myriad of paths which intersect our journey. Ultimately each path will reach the same destination, but our choice of path dictates the experiences and the memories we will have. Some paths are easier than others, some are more colourful, and some are more dangerous. We don’t necessarily know what we will encounter along each path. We simply have to have faith in our decisions and in our own God or guardian.

These times of reflection I wonder if I had taken another path, what would my memories be now?


  1. heavy thoughts. I find that my journey has been determined by impulse...I never really thought very much about the pros and cons of choices...only acted out of impulse. Most of the time it turned out well...only once did I make a bad decision--about buying a house...I let myself get too emotional about it.

  2. Touched a chord here..Paths blurring in front of me. They all look hazy and unclear, one not shined upon brighter than the other. Wish there was someone with a spotlight on one, waving me along. *sighs*
    ..lots of hugs to you!!! A wonderful post from a wonderful gal!!!

  3. Interesting post. I often play the "what if" game in regards to my choices too. I think you need to truly believe that whatever the reason was, you've made all the right decisions. Since we can't change the past, it will drive us crazy to keep thinking about the other possibilities.

    Be content in knowing that you did what you did for a reason :)


  4. This tells me that it pays to put a lot of thought into decisions. So many things can go one way or another with time spent working out pros and cons.

  5. Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

  6. That's very deep and has left me in a reflective mood x

  7. becky - I was thinking heavily and I'm often impulsive which is not often a good thing!
    Seductress - when you find someone with a spotlight, can we share them?
    Snafugirl - I guess I choose to be content, because discontent is too uncomfortable!
    Joy - too true!
    donut girl - I like that saying!
    trey - I don't have a choice...
    Kitty - hope your reflections are good ones!


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