I haven’t had time to write anything here for a long time. I seem to have been caught up in the cycle of work, home duties and mother duties – not necessarily in that order. The small amount of time I have to myself, I am sorry to admit I tend to lie in front of the television watching one of my favorite shows. A waste of time yes, but still I enjoy mindless entertainment at times.
I’m watching one of my favorite shows at the moment, but it has gotten too violent for me, so I’ve retreated to the computer, just glancing up at the television now and again when I think it is safe. The show is called “Silent Witness”. It is British and about forensics. It can be quite interesting, but sometimes violent as it is now.
I’m not good with violence. I’m also not good with anything scary. This is true for television shows, movies and books. I’ve read awful passages in books, purely by accident, and they have stayed with me for ages, the dreadful, tortured images sometimes popping into my brain for no reason at all. At those times I have to try to think of pleasant things to wash my brain clean.
Because of these images that live in my head, these tortured, dreadful images of horror and terror, I have to be very careful what I allow myself to read or watch. So when there is violence or horror or torture on the television, I sit with a cushion over my eyes and ask my boys to tell me when it has finished. I don’t have the same luxury with a book and I don’t like putting them down half read, but sometimes I have to do just that.
I guess I’m too old now to “grow out” of this aversion to violence and horror. I don’t really think I want to anyway. I would rather not be immune to the brutality of the world.