When I was a child and a teenager and even a very young adult I didn’t have a care in the world. It was easy to live, love and laugh. I could walk down the road with a swing to my hips, a smile on my lips and the world spread out in front of me to enjoy. I believed in fairies, Santa Claus and angels. Life was so simple then. As a family we weren’t wealthy and my parents never gave me any pocket money, but I didn’t seem to want for much. Somehow I always had money to spend and friends to spend it with.
I moved out of home at 17 and tried a number of different jobs. I moved to another state at 22, got engaged at 23 and married at 25. Our first son was born when I was 28. By the time I was 39 the marriage was over. But through all those years I was still having fun. There was so much to fit into life and I was determined to squeeze in what I could.
But somewhere along the way life became more complicated, or maybe I complicated it. I can’t even pinpoint when it happened. Suddenly the money stopped flowing quite so easily and instead of fairies all I can now see are endless piles of laundry to wash, pantry shelves to fill and meals to cook. The horizon is a never ending collage of grey and there is not a rainbow in sight.
Instead of planning a new adventure, I’m calculating how to pay the bills. Instead of going out in the world, I’m cleaning the bathroom.
Last weekend all my boys were at home being their usual brotherly selves. There was much wrestling, dancing, singing and general jumping around going on and all I could think of was potential holes in walls or broken light fittings.
What happened? When did I stop seeing fairies in the garden? When did I stop enjoying life? Where did my sense of humor go?
I’m pretty sure I have to find those fairies again. I don’t think they have totally disappeared. They must be hiding somewhere. I’ll be looking for those angels too and hoping that Santa Claus shows himself this year. After all, it’s all about belief isn’t it? The belief we have in ourselves, in our family, in the power of the Universe... and fairies.
Maybe, if I just clap my hands...
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Mmmmm, sounds like you just might have the Martha Complex. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's funny because like you when I was younger I was full of hope, faith, security, everything. One time while the hubby was in bootcamp we got in an heated discussion over the phone. The conversation ended with him saying maybe we shouldn't get married. You think I would have been devasted, but I took it as no big deal. I KNEW we were going to get married, so I wasn't worried or upset at all. Anyway, it seems as the older I have gotten, the worries and insecurities have hit me. It is odd because I can't really pinpoint when it happened either.
Great post today (missed your writing), I am ready to believe in fairies again too. :)
ya, life gets in the way of all the fun...sucks...we accumulate so many responsibilities and suddenly we're old and tired and broken. Lighten up the responsibilities and maybe fun can come back.....
ReplyDeleteThey are hiding in plan sight under the neighbour's tree. I hope you find the fresh energy you are looking for without any holes in the walls.
ReplyDeleteAt lest your boys are wanting to be home all at once.
I think I'm trapped in that same place. Focused on paying the bills and sorting out this or that thing, that I've forgotten how to have fun and enjoy the unexpected. But I know I'm never too old or far gone for an about-face.
ReplyDeleteI hope you find the fairies and see a bright light at the end of the tunnel....
ReplyDeleteMoney is sooooo stressful....and if you are doing it all on your own...oh my....
I know vacations don't come cheap but sometimes just a short break from the routine can mean so much...
Life certainly does have a way of hiding our child-like beliefs & dreams. Our need for money to pay bills, etc..... is a stress that clouds all else.
ReplyDeleteMy faith in God and my sense of humor have gotten me through some very trying times, but I must admit...I ask myself a lot of the same questions.
By the way....could you send the "cleaning fairy" to my house when he/she shows up? lol
The fact that you remembered that you forgot to believe in the fairies means you're further along than most of us. I think you'll be seeing them soon, here and there.
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
I am posting something silly for you today .....HUGS!!!
ReplyDeleteIf you happen to find them, send them my way. I could have written this post myself.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling we are looking right at them but are just not seeing... And they're staring right back asking "What the heck is wrong with you?!?"
Great blog. Thanks for that. Off in search of...
Great metaphor. I see them sometimes, but quickly don't when I get too busy or preoccupied. Thanks for the reminder to enjoy more often.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
ReplyDeleteRoutine can get a little boring for everyone but it's all the other little things that make life enjoyable.
Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain, pick your nose... :):)
Life is too short to live with regrets.
Glad you're back.
Martha - thanks for reading! I'm hoping that from now on I will look out for fairies wherever I go!
ReplyDeleteSusan - I'm hoping that when my youngest turns 18 next month some of those responsibilities will lighten themselves!
Domestic - do you think my neighbours will mind me looking under their tree?
Joy - I'm looking into going about face and hoping it works.
Nanny - I just had some time off work and what did I use it for? I did my tax... and my sons' tax...
Carol - I have a feeling the cleaning fairy has lost my address! Perhaps deliberately...
Robyn - believe me I'm keeping my eyes open now!
Seductress - am going to have a look! Hugs back!!!
Rabbit - I'm thinking we might bump into lots of bloggers suddenly looking for fairies! Good luck finding yours!
Kazzy - now if only I can remember too...
Donut girl - Thank you! OMG - did you see me picking my nose???