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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Are there really plenty of fish in the sea?

This is a question I’ve asked myself at various times over the years and am now asking myself again. Every time I’ve been disappointed in love, the standard response from my family, friends and casual acquaintances has been “Don’t worry, there are plenty more fish in the sea!”

But are there really plenty of men around? And, if there are and they are over 40, are they single, heterosexual and in reasonably good physical shape? Oh – and for me they really have to be around 6’4” – I’m a tall woman, I like wearing heels and I don’t like looking down on the man I’m with.

Now that I’m considering dating again, I’m beginning to wonder if there is actually anyone around to date. I’ve been forcing myself to attend more functions and I’ve noticed it is rare for men over 40 to be a) unattached, or b) in good physical condition. They just don’t seem to care about their appearance. If any single man over the age of 40 is reading this, please note that if you are fat or flabby or unkempt or unhygienic, you are definitely not desirable. I don’t care how much money you are worth or what position you have, the single more mature women I know are simply not that desperate.

Yes, I do try to keep myself looking good. I exercise regularly, my hairdresser knows me very well, I don’t usually leave the house without make up and I try to dress to impress. And yet I know there are women out there who are overweight and casual about their appearance who nevertheless can seemingly reel in the men. It puzzles me.

In the last five years I’ve probably met two or three men that interest me. However, there must be something about me that they don’t like as none of them have returned my interest or attraction. Oh, there’s been some mild flirting and a bit of conversation, but nothing ever eventuated. I often wonder what I’m doing wrong, but will probably never find out. I wish there was some sort of questionnaire that could be handed out to those who aren’t interested, just to gauge what it is I’m not doing. I’m not averse to change – but I’d like to know what it is I should consider changing?

Of course, to be honest, at 51 I’m no spring chicken, nor have I ever had flashy model looks, nor am I super skinny or in the slightest bit wealthy. I seem to enjoy things that other women my age don’t. I like rap music, RnB and jazz. I don’t like classical music or musicals, opera or country, grunge or heavy metal. I don’t particularly enjoy social functions where people compare the cost of their outfits, their jewellery or their last holiday. Actually, I’m not fond of social functions at all – they involve smiling way too much and being nice to people you would rather ignore.

Although, as a teenager, I used to frequent night clubs and bars on a regular basis, I don’t know anyone who would want to go out with me and I wouldn’t know where to go these days. I do miss listening to live music though. I hate camping, fishing or anything to do with the great outdoors, although I love the ocean. I don’t ever want to own a pet. I only enjoy shopping if I have money to spend, which isn’t often. I take pleasure in watching some sport – AFL football and basketball – and I especially like watching my boys play. I think a perfect night out would include a well cooked meal with excellent wine partnered with intellectual conversation and perhaps a bit of thoughtful argument.

So, while I will continue to keep my eye out for datable men, I’m afraid I’m not that hopeful of finding any. However, I will never say never!


  1. I do believe every one is destined to have someone.. I guess the trick is to find that person. I have a single friend that is always talking how hard it is to find someone with no issues. I feel for anyone in the dating world.

    Hopefully you will find that fish soon. :)

  2. I have a lot of single women friends that feel the same way you do... Just be open to new relationships and try new things....everybody likes to have fun.....follow the fun....

  3. I think you may be in that unfortunate gap age... I think people 18-35 pick partners their own age, and over 60 they get back to it, but somehow men 36-60 think they merit a much younger woman.

    Have you considered the online thing? I always think as a writer, were I in the market again, that that is a lot better way to meet someone who really is a good match. The people I know who've tried it have a few misses, but eventually seem to meet a good match.

  4. How about friends of friends? That way in some ways they've been prescreened.

  5. Cass, I commented a few days ago, but it looks like it didn't take. I want to encourage, encourage, encourage you. Don't be dissauded by my horror stories. There ARE pleny of fish in the sea. It's a matter of sorting through to find the ones of higher quality.

  6. I know it's pretty hard to find the right guy out there! Have your tried joining an online site?

  7. Martha - thank you! I'm just not sure we are always destined to find "the" one...

    mermaid - still looking for the fun! lol!

    Hart - I think you have hit the nail on the head! I have tried the online thing and only ever got replies from men who had obviously not read my profile!

    Mrs Tuna - even the friends of friends that I know appear to all be partnered.

    Whispering - thank you!

    Robyn - I'm not dissuaded by your stories - I thoroughly enjoy them! I guess I was just never good at fishing... :-)

    gayle - I've tried several, with results that I will one day look back on with amusement...


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